#and sending well wishes to those that are in shitty holiday with assholes

[noonslullabies]

.

[rainofaugustsith]

Jedi Consular thoughts

After playing through the Jedi Consular story a third time, here are my thoughts. Spoilers for the JC class story. 

First and foremost: I want to give my Jedi Consular a hug. And I want to hack the navicomputer on her ship and send her to Rishi or Manaan or someplace beautiful and quiet so she can rest and relax for, oh, I don't know, a very long time. Everyone is on this poor woman's ass all the time to do something for them. Shield all the sick Jedi, Jenari. Engage in extensive feats of intergalactic diplomacy, Jenari. Oh wait, find the super special secret agents of the Emperor, Jenari. Give your strength to the Voss healers so you're literally doubled over in agony, Jenari. By the way, can you please mediate the Trandoshans' battle too, since you're also the Herald? And help me with my science project? And at the end of this, we'll reward you by...giving you more work. Seriously. That's the "reward" the assholes on the Jedi Council come up with for Jenari at the end of the class story. More work with the Republic military. That seems so completely poorly suited for her, given that her entire story arc has been about healing, learning ancient lore, interacting with different cultures and Force traditions and diplomacy. And when she saved Syo, she talked to him. Jedi Council, why aren't you appointing Jenari as Head Archivist or Master of Force Lore or Head of the Force Healing Department on Tython or something?!  I'm sorry Jenari. I know, I know, they didn't even give you a medal and they aren't going to let you retire to a nice quiet library to read. Here's a hug.  Having said that:  1. I've talked about this with mutuals before, but the Consular story shows how short-sighted the Jedi Council is on so many levels. Like...you've gone to the trouble of reconstructing this Noetikon with all of these storied Jedi Masters. Hello, Bastilla Shan is in the house. So let's make sure that only one Jedi ever learns the shielding technique that nobody else has known how to do for hundreds of years. I'm sure that's the best use of the knowledge. Teach it to one Jedi, don't let her teach it to anyone else, and then ask her to save every Jedi with an ancient Sith plague in the entire fucking galaxy. Go, Council! I'm sure there aren't any possible pitfalls with that strategy, including literally working this poor Jedi to death.  But look, she survived! So... 2. The Rift Alliance would have been better off separating from the Republic. I'm just going to say it. The Republic admitted flat out that they wanted the Rift Alliance planets for resources, not their own benefit. And Balmorra? Balmorra wants both the Republic and Empire to get the fuck off their world. You were not elected, Tai. I wish Jenari had been able to actually counsel them to leave the Republic for their own good. The Voss? Dude. You don't even respect the Force users there. But feel free to exploit them for their resources, I guess.  One fun thing is to have your Consular brightly tell Satele Shan and Kaedan that they should send more Jedi to Voss because the Mystics could teach them so much, just to watch both Jedi Masters suddenly get very, very uncomfortable.  Did I mention Jenari needs a hug? She could use some tea, too. And cookies. What? Those are dark sided. FFS, give her the damn cookies. Can I send her to live in the Esh-Kha's new colony with Hallow Voice? Or send her back to Voss with Gaden-Ko so she can hang out in the Shrine of Healing and get some rest? Maybe they will be nice to her.  3. Tharan Cedrax. I always think he is meant as audience wish fulfillment. The dude is arrogant, is brilliant, and has a very young looking woman who literally is programmed to do sexy dances, praise him effusively and give him unconditional love. And he can screw around with the JC and then drop her with no repercussions. 

FWIW Jenari always tells him "I'm not your Jedi" and absolutely refuses to go there. In playing my first version of Jenari, I was surprised that she rejected him when he approached the Alliance after Onslaught. But he was so arrogant, and Holiday wasn't there to blunt the hubris, and Jenari didn't want him back.  4. In the other corner, we have Qyzen Fess, Nadia Grell and Felix Iresso. IMHO these are some of the best companions in the class stories.  5. Okay. Felix. Jenari didn't romance him this time because she is a lesbian and that was hard, because IMHO this is one of the few M/F romances in SWTOR that I can stand. I honestly am constantly stumped why there isn't a huge fandom and love of this character and this ship because Felix is so amazing. 

I can't understand why they didn't bring him back for KOTFE. This dude deserved main story billing. He knew Aric Jorgan and they could have worked with that. And you're going to tell me that in a story where holocrons are important, they could not have found way to incorporate a character who literally has a Sith holocron in his head?! Anyway, I love Felix. His commentary on Belsavis is like the Best Dialogue Ever. I'm sure he gave Jenari hugs. Headcanon is that he's well aware that she is a lesbian and the two of them are BFF and are very close. 

6. The third chapter feels like it's a rehash of the first chapter. Except instead of the plague, we have the Children of the Emperor affecting Good People.  7. I feel like not enough is said about the reason why the plague happened in the first place - namely, the Jedi poked around in a Sith tomb, and then decided to literally sacrifice one of their own by throwing him to the wolves so they could make their getaway. Said sacrificed Jedi was, um, a little angry about that. Not that it justifies the plague, but what they did was really, really shitty. It showed that they felt Parkanas was disposable - which is the same vibe you get from the way the Council handles the Consular. 

I feel like the Jedi Consular would be in their element in the Alliance, with so many Force adepts from different backgrounds, and so many people from around the galaxy. That's how I headcanon it for Jenari. She does not want to be a Sith by any means, but she also does not want to go back to the Jedi and the Republic so she can be worked to an early grave. She just wants a nice quiet place to read. And a hug. 

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Steff McKee having a crush on you would include~

(Requested by @aprettylittlenightmare )

( This got kinda sad for a hot minute, sorry)

- Steff’s crushes start off as very shallow, he thinks you’re hot and wants a good lay. It will stay that way for a while, just a surface infatuation with you from afar until he’s able to see the kind of person you are. Then he’ll decide to make his move.

- He’ll introduce himself and lay it on thick, calling you beautiful and all that before asking you for a date. After you refuse he makes it his mission to learn more about you and find a way to get you to agree. He develops a real crush on you after hes able to see your personality.

- Listen, Steff has a reputation. You know he’s a player the minute he comes around so you don’t feel bad in rejecting him because you’re sure he didn’t want anything besides a little ass.

- Steff is popular, he’s been around the block so you not accepting his date offer right then and there doesn’t exactly bother him. His pride isn’t easily wounded, at least not at first.

- Steff keeps his crushes for a long time, like years, once he falls for someone he can never seem to shake it. He’s prepared to wait it out and earn your affections.

- For the most part he pines from afar especially after you’ve rejected him once and he’s trying to figure out how he can make you his. You’ll definitely catch him glancing over at you a few times during class or lunch.

- I’d say he doesn’t care about social standing nearly as much as he seems to in the movie. In the movie he likes Andie, a lot I’d assume, but she rejects him and thinks he’s a real scumbag. I’m sure he would have accepted that and moved on after a while if it wasn’t for Blane. Andie likes him and Blane is; in Steff’s eyes, someone just like him. He hates that Blane could get what he never could so he treats the both of them, Andie and Blane, like dirt.

- Even so there would definitely be a difference between how he goes about getting with you even if he doesn’t particularly care about where you come from. There’d be certain level of secrecy and subtly when he flirts or talks to you; if you’re below him on the social pyramid that is. He’d openly flirt with you if you’re on the same level.

- Either way you’d be able to get him flustered, uncharacteristically so. He’d pause for a minute before he’d be able to shake whatever you said off with a nonchalant laugh and quick look away, maybe a little throat clear and ramble of a response.

- He tries to play the nice guy, offering you rides and to buy you something without you even asking. Don’t have a lunch at school? He’ll notice immediately and come up to you, asking if you need anything.

- He also gets his friends to play nice which isn’t exactly hard since they’d follow in his footsteps off a cliff.

- He would sabotage any relationship you try to form whether it’s for a good reason or not. You don’t exactly find out but you have a good reason to assume it’s him.

- He would definitely pester you until you’re sick of him, trying to wear you down and get you to agree to a date.

You can ignore the next few headcanons if you don’t like this route but for those of you with morbid interest~

- Lets be clear~ Steff is an asshole and one that doesn’t take rejection well. If you make a fool of him he’s going to become spiteful.

- He’ll end up hurting your feelings at some point, feeling a little bit of pleasure in seeing you feel as shitty as he thinks you’ve made him feel but once you’re gone he just deflates. At first he thought it would make him feel better, and seeing you angry or bothered did help a little, but the instant you stop getting mad and “break down” so to speak, he immediately regrets everything and feels this awful feeling in his chest.

- He wants nothing more than to apologize but you’ll refuse to speak to or even see him in any way. He’d try to call you, finding your number in the phone book, try to ask your aggravated friends about you, send you gifts with apologies that you never keep; the likes. But still, nothing.

- Honest to god he would find out where you live and show up to apologize in person. Explaining himself as pathetically and articulately as he can and asking as sweetly as he can manage if he can make it up it you. You slap him in the face and huffily call the two of you even before closing the door on him. All and all he’s alright with that outcome. 

***

- He becomes somewhat of a friend after a while. Not that you would particularly choose to hang out with him over anyone else but you are comfortable talking/being around him. 

- You’re the only one he really lets tease him without any sort of repercussion. 

- You get to “steal” his glasses or literally anything else you’d want to wear or borrow and all he’d do is smile and laugh. He thinks its cute how you find the expensive aspects of his life so interesting and would promise to show you the finer things in life once you gave him a chance. 

- He always invites you to his party and agonizes over what he should 

- He doesn’t usually make it his business to remember things about people but you are one of his few exceptions. Birthdays, holidays, your next test or an upcoming event; he makes an effort to buy you something or at least wish you good luck/ happy birthday and ask about it. wear just in case you do decide to show up, although you probably rarely do. 

- Always asking if you want to hang out after school, putting his hands up in surrender and insisting it will be “just as friends” when you shoot him a look. 

- Everyone in school tells you that you and him would make a good couple and that you should “go for it”. His friends probably say it because he “hints” that he wants them to. Whenever they say it in front of him he gives you a sly smirk and pretends that he isn't just a little hurt when you roll your eyes.

- He tries to ask you out nearly every week, you know at the very least that he wants to fuck so you’re never very surprised when it happens. What does surprise you is when he nervously admits his true feelings, telling you how he can’t take it anymore and just needs you to know “this”. Just be prepared to wait because it could genuinely take years for him to come to this point. 

- He would either go all out when confessing, buying flowers, dressing up; the whole nine yards. Or he could just pull you aside one day, totally unprepared and exploding from the mouth as he paces and waves his hands around wildly. It’s up to you to decide how you respond but he might just die if you reject him after he pours his heart out to you

[let-it-raines]

all for a 56-pack of crayons

Prompt which has obviously been a little modified because of who I am as a person: “I was bartending at an Italian restaurant and it’s pretty much full of valentine dates. A guy walks in and sits at the bar by himself. He had come to the city to surprise his girlfriend for valentine’s day (about a five-hour bus trip between cities) and he sure surprised her. she was in her dorm room fucking one of his friends from high school”

so @shireness-says​ sent me the above prompt a dreadfully long time ago, and I was going to write it for her birthday. I missed that date by a few weeks, but who doesn’t love a late birthday gift? Keeping the party going! 🎉 

found on ao3 | here |

-/-

“Oh my God.”

“What?”

“Oh my God.”

“What?”

“This,” Emma says, motioning out to all of the people in front of her. “People can go on dates every day of the year, but everyone in all of Portland is here tonight.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Mary Margaret sighs, a goofy little smile on her face that’s always there when she’s talking or thinking about love. It’d be obnoxious if she wasn’t so damn charming. Or nice. Charming is really more of David’s thing. “People like to go on dates on Valentine’s Day.”

“Because it’s a – ”

“Societal construct. Yes, I know. You’ve said that once or twice.”

Emma rolls her eyes and grabs the bottle of wine she was looking for. “Look, all I’m saying is that if you think proposing to your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day is romantic, you’ve got issues. There are a lot of days of the year, make another one of them special.”

“Emma.”

“I’ve got to go serve table ten. He’s got a ring being put in a dessert. Be right back.”

Mary Margaret isn’t behind the bar when Emma gets back. She’s probably off trying to help some teenagers flirt or listening to some couple’s love story. She’s very into romance and candy hearts and the whole big thing. It’s like this every year, but Emma can’t blame her, not really. Mary Margaret has been with David since they were fifteen years old, and her entire life is some kind of candy heart and giant teddy bear holding red roses world. There are obviously a few pieces of melted chocolate and fallen rose petals in there, but overall, she’s never had a reason to be sick of love and this holiday that just makes single people feel shitty about themselves.

“Whatever your strongest rum is, I want that.”

Emma turns to see a man sliding down at the barstool in front of her. No one is sitting up here tonight. Everyone is in the booths and at the tables, so what the hell is this guy doing up here?

Alone.

She quickly glances over him. He’s got on a white button-down, the top few buttons undone, and a leather jacket on top of it. His hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it, and Emma can’t tell whether he just doesn’t know how to do his hair or if he’s one of those guys who tries to artfully mess his hair up. From everything else about his looks, he’s definitely a guy who tries to do that.

You don’t look like him and wear a leather jacket if you don’t know you’re attractive.

The blue eyes alone could probably get half the girls in here into bed with him.

Woah, Emma.

That’s definitely taking her judgment of people a little too far.

“You don’t want something specific?” Emma asks him.

“Whatever can get me drunk.”

Emma’s brows raise, but she quickly tries to neutralize her face. She judges people all the time, but they can’t know that she judges them. She would lose her tips, and she needs those to live and to pay bills and to be able to buy Henry new shoes and the 56-pack of crayons he wants that has all of the specialized colors.

“I am technically not supposed to encourage a customer to get drunk, but I will get that rum for you.”

“Thank you, lass.”

Emma bends down and searches through their shelf of rum, pulling out a bottle that won’t break the guy’s bank but that tastes good enough, and pours him a glass. “You need anything else?”

“Do you serve food up here?”

“We do, but sir, if you’re here for a date, I’m afraid – ”

The man downs his drink before slamming the glass against the bar top. He winces and then adjusts the tumbler.

“I’m not here for a date. I’m simply here for some food and a few more glasses of rum.”

“I’m not supposed to let you have enough to get drunk. I wasn’t kidding about that.”

“Lucky for you, I have a high tolerance.”

Emma’s eyes roll, and she turns away to hide that before grabbing a menu off the shelf and then handing it to him. “You can look through this, and then when you’re ready, I’ll send your order back to the kitchen.”

“Thanks, love.”

“Not your love.”

Oh shit. She shouldn’t get snippy with him. She was just thinking about how she needs the tips.  

56 pack of crayons and all.

“Sorry,” Emma mumbles. “Force of habit.”

“You have a lot of people call you love? I didn’t know there was such a British population in Portland.”

“I have a lot of people call me by pet names,” Emma corrects, forcing her smile back onto her face. “Baby, sweetheart, honey, whatever else men can come up with when they’re trying to hit on me.”

The man nods and places his hand on the counter. She glances down at the movement, notices the fact that he has a glove on just that one hand, and as much as she is curious, she’s sure as hell not about to ask. Her five-year-old might ask, but she’s decidedly not five and has better manners than that.

“I apologize, love. Fuck. Didn’t mean to say that.”

Emma chuckles and turns around to get him a glass of water. She should have already done that, but she got distracted. “It’s Emma. Emma Swan. I’m sorry for not telling you my name earlier. I should have as soon as you sat down. I seem to be off my game tonight.”

“Killian Jones.”

She turns around with his water and puts it down. “It’s nice to meet you. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Thank you.”

Emma stays busy for the next hour, serving drinks and doing the take-out orders, and while people come up to the bar, none of them stay. They’re here for a fleeting moment, getting what they need, and then going. She doesn’t mind. It’s busy enough in here that she never stays idle, and if she keeps working, this damn day will be over and she can go home, never thinking of engagement rings and candy hearts again.

A round of applause sounds around the restaurant, and Emma looks up to see a man on his knees and his girlfriend with her hands clasped over her mouth.

“Does that happen often?”

“Huh?”

“The proposal,” Killian explains. “Does that happen often?”

“I’d say we get a proposal in here every two weeks, but on Valentine’s Day? At least ten per shift.”

He lets out a low whistle. “Damn.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I take it you’re not a fan of Valentine’s Day.”

“I think it’s cliched, and I’m not really a fan of cliched.”

“Eh, I think it has its pros and cons. A few clichés are good.”

Emma crosses her arms over her chest. “Like what?”

“Surprises, maybe. If you’re in a long-distance relationship and you ride on a train for five-hours to surprise your girlfriend, I imagine that can be a nice, cliched thing.”

“Is that what you did?”

He drinks half of his glass before stabbing a piece of his steak. “Funnily enough, I did.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Well, when I showed up to her apartment, she was fucking my oldest mate.”

Holy shit.

No wonder he wanted the strongest rum they have.

“You’re kidding? You have to be kidding.”

He scoffs and leans back on the stool, a smile curving on his lips while his eyelashes flutter. “I wish I was.”

Emma shakes her head and grabs his bottle, pouring a little more in his glass. “I’m cutting you off after this glass, but this one’s on me.”

“You don’t have to do that, Swan.”

“Look, I may hate Valentine’s Day, but no one deserves that when they were trying to do something romantic. Hell, no one ever deserves that. Unless maybe they’re an asshole.”

“I guess I’m an asshole.”

“I don’t know you well enough to say for sure, but I doubt it.”

“How would you know?”

Emma shrugs. “I call it my superpower. I’ve got an intuition about these types of things.”

“It’s true. She does.” Mary Margaret steps up beside her and leans forward on the counter. “So, I couldn’t help but overhear your story.”

“Marg – ”

Mary Margaret waves her away. “First of all, I’m so sorry. Secondly, I bet you don’t have a place to stay tonight, so why don’t you stay with us?”

Oh hell no.

“Marg,” Emma hisses, pulling Mary Margaret away from the counter and back against the shelves, “what the hell are you doing?”

“He was going to stay with his girlfriend tonight, but now they’ve broken up.”

“He can stay in a hotel.”

“That’ll be so expensive. Come on. We have a couch.”

“I don’t want to have to spend the night with a stranger. That’s not safe.”

“David is a cop.”

“He doesn’t know that. He could still plan on murdering us.”

“Well, I suppose I do now,” Killian says. She and Mary Margaret both turn on their heels to look at him. “Sorry. You’re not exactly in a discreet spot. I’m afraid I’ll have to decline your offer, lass. I don’t – you’re too kind, but I can’t accept it.”

“Emma,” Mary Margaret begs.

“No.”

“Emma.”

“No.”

“I’m Mary Margaret,” she suddenly says, turning to Killian and shaking his hand. “You’ve had a rough night, obviously, and I think you need some homemade brownies. Let me call my boyfriend, and I’ll clear it with him.”

“What about Emma?”

“Ignore her. She’s paranoid that everyone is a serial killer.”

“She has a point.”

“You’re not a serial killer. We can both tell.”

“Love, I really – I cannot impose on you.”

Emma blinks at him, wondering why the hell British people use so many pet names. She’s not sure what the hell is happening. Why is Mary Margaret inviting him to their apartment? Why is she so insistent on it? This isn’t the first time someone has stumbled into the restaurant wanting to get drunk because something shitty has happened, and it certainly won’t be the last.

But Mary Margaret is Mary Margaret, and Emma guesses she’s going to sleep in Henry’s room with the door locked and his dresser pushed up against the door.

Not that she thinks this is a bad guy.

But precautions and all that. She’s not naïve enough to think that everyone she meets is going to be a good person, and she’s not taking a single chance when it comes to Henry.

“You wouldn’t be imposing in the slightest. Our shift finishes at midnight.”

Emma turns around to Mary Margaret and hisses, “if he murders us, I’m coming back to life to kill you again.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

-/-

“So, what do you do?”

“David,” Mary Margaret sighs. “Don’t make him uncomfortable.”

“He’s sleeping on our couch. I can ask him what he does.”

“Be nice.”

“I’m getting my Masters in Civil Engineering at NYU.”

Emma lets out a low whistle before catching herself. Damn. That’s impressive, especially considering she’s currently in a bunch of lit classes with eighteen-year-olds who couldn’t care less about the classes they’re in. They also complain about having class at eight in the morning and then finishing all of their classes by noon, but, really, she can’t be bothered by them too much. If her life had gone the way theirs had, she imagines she would complain about being up at eight in the morning, too.

Hell, she does now. Just for entirely different reasons.

“Something to say about that, love?” Killian asks, both brows raised.

She bites her tongue at the name. He’s been letting them fly for both she and Mary Margaret all night, so it really must be a force of habit and not him trying to get into her pants.

“Not a thing.”

“So what do you plan on doing with that?” David asks Killian.

“Well, I am planning on – ”

“Mom.”

Oh shit.

Emma turns around and sees Henry standing in the hallway. He’s in his pajamas, his hair pushed up from where he’s been sleeping, and he only has one sock on. How the hell does that always happen?

“Kid, what are you doing awake?”

“You guys are loud. Who’s that?”

Emma looks between Henry and Killian, trying to figure out how the hell to explain this to a child.

“A friend,” she quickly answers. “He’s going to sleep on the couch tonight before he leaves in the morning to go back home.”

“Where is he from?”

“New York.”

“How do you know him?”

“Alright,” Emma sighs, going toward Henry and gently placing her hands on his shoulders before guiding him back to his room, closing the door behind them. “It’s late, and you need to go back to bed. We’re going to the playground in the morning, remember?”

“The TV man said it was going to snow.”

“Well, when has a little snow ever stopped us?”

She gets Henry back in bed and cuddles up beside him, tucking him in and fixing his hair before kissing his forehead and sighing. She’s exhausted, desperately needs to be in her own bed, but that probably won’t happen tonight.

“Did you have a good day at school?” Emma whispers while she still strokes Henry’s hair.

“Mhm.”

“Did you give your cards to your class?”

“Yep! Can I eat my candy?”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to say no to that one. You’ll get far too much energy, and then you’d have to brush your teeth again.”

“Nooo,” Henry giggles, squirming as Emma runs her fingers over his belly. “I don’t want to brush my teeth again.”

“Then I guess candy will have to wait for the morning.”

Henry sighs and shifts in his bed, burying his face into his pillow. He’s quiet, so Emma doesn’t say anything, hoping that maybe he’s going to fall asleep easily. Henry’s going to be in a mood in the morning. She can already tell. Hopefully, and it is a big hope, he’ll sleep in.

There’s almost a 100% certainty that he won’t.

“Is that man your boyfriend?”

Emma nearly chokes on her own tongue.

“What?”

Henry twists around until she can see his face again. “Avery said since I don’t have a dad, that my mom must have a boyfriend. Do you kiss him?”

His face is so twisted over the thought of Emma kissing someone that she can barely hold in her laughter. Her stomach is probably about as twisted as Henry’s face is.

“No, kid, that man is not my boyfriend. I don’t have one, but I promise if I get one, you’ll be the first one to know.”

He won’t be. If she ever does decide to date again, Henry won’t be meeting anyone until she’s somehow sure that everything will go right.

She has no idea how people do this.

It takes a few more minutes for Henry to fall back asleep, soft puffs of air hitting against her neck, and when she’s sure that he’s sound asleep, she carefully untangles herself and moves out of his bed, quietly exiting his room and going back out into the hallway. Mary Margaret, David, and Killian are all sitting in the living room, quietly talking, and Emma tries to slip past them and into her own bedroom only for David to call her over to hear some story about how Killian managed to get here from London. She listens to half of it, but she’s not nearly as intrigued by the stranger in her apartment. When he was nothing but a handsome customer, he was fine. This is much too much.

And that’s exactly why she excuses herself to her room, slipping out of her uniform and taking a shower to wash away the smell of food and alcohol and everything she hates about her job.

She’s going to smell like garlic bread for the rest of her life.

By the time she’s finished, has braid her hair back, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and changed into a pair of pajamas, it’s far past three in the morning. She needs to go to sleep, but she’s not leaving Henry unattended. As quietly as possible, she grabs an extra blanket and steps out into the main room of the apartment, hoping that Killian is asleep and stays that way.

Because this is her life, he is obviously wide awake and sitting at the kitchen table with a still steaming mug of what smells like tea in front of him.

He looks up the moment her bedroom door clicks behind her.

Shit.

“Swan,” he nods.

She nods. How rude would she be to ignore him and walk to Henry’s room?

“Oh. You’re still up.”

“It would seem so.”

“Do you need something? Another blanket? A pillow? Is Netflix not working?”

Killian shakes his head and takes a sip of his tea. She didn’t even know they had tea. Mary Margaret must have had some.

“I’m fine. I assure you that the three of you have been nothing but hospitable when I was fine to find a motel.” He reaches up and scratches behind his ear. She tries her best to ignore the fact that the fingers underneath his glove don’t move. “If I had known you had a son, I – ”

The hair on the back of her neck stands. “You would have what?”

“I would have never accepted Mary Margaret’s proposal. I’m sure you don’t want someone you don’t know being that close to your kid.”

“No, I don’t. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but don’t think I’m taking my eyes off you for a second.”

“I would despair if you did.”

Emma scoffs and turns her head away. Stupidly, she looks back. “If you want to spike your tea, I think we have some whiskey.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“I’m off the clock now. I feel like you might deserve it.”

His head tilts back in quiet, broken laughter. “Aye, I suppose I do. It’s been a banner night.”

“I don’t know her or anything, but your girlfriend is obviously an idiot to cheat on you.”

“You don’t know anything about me either.”

“I know that very few people deserve to have their heart broken like that.”

“Is that what happened to you? You had your heart broken?”

She tugs the blanket around her shoulders. “That’s not your business.”

“Forgive me, love. You’re something of an open book to me. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

Now she’s the one who needs a drink.

This has not been her day.

Far too much love.

Far too many thoughts of Neal.

Far too many British men thinking they know her when they don’t.

“You don’t know anything about me either.”

Killian sighs and takes another long sip of his tea. “I know you hate Valentine’s Day and have a son while also living with another couple who are slightly older than you. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out a few things about you just as I’m sure you’ve done the same to me.”

Emma almost protests. But only almost. He’s right. She’s been watching people for a long time, and it’s easy to know that he uses his looks more than his intelligence to initially make people be fond of him. He’s charming, but he’s also smart. He’s studying a crazy difficult subject at a school that isn’t exactly for slackers, and while he may secretly be an asshole for his girlfriend to cheat on him, she doesn’t get that feeling.

She gets the feeling that he might be as down on her luck as she is sometimes.

“I’m getting the whiskey,” she blurts out. She’s not tired anymore, and if she goes to Henry’s room, she’s going to end up not being able to sleep. “Do you like hot chocolate?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had any.”

“Well, we’re changing that.”

Emma has obviously lost her mind in some kind of sleep-deprived, stressed-out kind of way, but she finds it easy to talk to Killian.

Which is dumb.

She wanted to hate him.

She really did.

But he’s easy to talk to despite the fact that she’s mad about that and that it’s probably one of the worst days of his life. She would assume. She doesn’t know.

What she does know, however, is that he was in the Navy for one year, was involved in an accident, and the compensation he got for that funded his move to the US and his education, which is a lot more information than what he shared with David earlier. It’s kind of fascinating, if not a little tragic, and maybe today wasn’t the worst day of his life.

She may have a little bit of whiskey in her, but she’s not about to spill all of her secrets.

Then again, she’s never going to see this man again. He’ll be a fleeting memory, just a ship passing in the night.

But no. She won’t share. Wounds never close if you keep picking at them, and she’s not going to do that.

Instead she tells him she just started at a local community college and that she hopes to get into the nursing program. She’s never been great at science, but it’s a good career with good pay, and by the time she’s finished with the program Henry will hopefully be at least a little self-sufficient. Besides, she’s got David and Mary Margaret to help her, and she can handle it.

She always has.

His mom was apparently a nurse, and she doesn’t ask about the way he refers to her in the past tense. It’s easier not to. Instead she listens to him share stories of she’d once told him when he was younger. It’s all crazy and stressful, and if Emma didn’t want a better life for she and Henry so badly, she’d probably drop all of her classes out of fear right now.

But the better life is calling.

Killian keeps the conversation flowing from topic to topic more easily than anyone has a right to, and he only occasionally stops, a dark flash settling in his eyes and in the curve of his lips. But just as quickly as it appears, it disappears and he talks of his favorite shows or the runs he likes to go on early in the morning when, miraculously, most of Manhattan is asleep.

“Thanks for this, love.”

“For what?” Emma asks.

“For keeping my mind occupied. I don’t – well, I bloody don’t know what I’d do if I’d stumbled into another restaurant tonight.”

Emma leans forward and tears apart a piece of her pop tart. “You’d be sleeping on some other bartender’s couch.”

“There’s not currently a lot of sleeping going on.”

She laughs and takes another bite before looking down at her phone. “Holy shit. It’s almost six thirty. How are either of us awake?”

“I’m fueled by anger, sadness, and the conversation of an incredibly charming woman.”

His brows wiggle with his words, his smile more of a smirk, and in any other situation, she’d have the urge to slap him.

“I’m going to be dead inside today.”

“I should probably let you go to bed, Swan. I’m sure you’ve got plans today that require sleep.”

“Yeah, I do. I – ”

Almost as if on cue, Henry’s door creaks open, and he walks out into the living room. His hair is disheveled like it always is when he wakes up, and now he is officially missing both socks.

Why can kids not sleep in?

“I’m hungry,” he mumbles, wiping his eyes. “Can we have pancakes? With the faces on them?”

“Kid, I – ”

“I can make them,” Killian interrupts. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“Um, yeah,” Emma nods. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’m going to make some coffee, and then I’ll help. Henry, go brush your teeth.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m going to check to make sure you actually did.”

Henry groans, and Emma hears Killian chuckle. “I was exactly the same as a lad. So, pancakes with faces on them? Where do I find the ingredients?”

-/-

The pancakes are really good.

Much better than the ones she makes, which seems impossible when the recipe is on the box.

And Killian is fantastic at entertaining Henry’s questions, even when Henry asks about Killian’s gloved hand. He makes up some story about being attacked by Peter Pan and being like Captain Hook, and it helps Emma be a little less mortified that her child has no manners.

So on no sleep and a slight hangover, Emma has breakfast with her kid and a half-stranger, and it’s not the worst thing in the world.

It’s actually kind of nice.

And when Killian leaves to catch a train home, he slips her a note with his phone number. He leaves the ball in her court, which she likes, and even though it takes a few weeks, she does end up calling.

Well, texting. It’s easier that way.

Really, the whole thing is easy, and Emma is as surprised by that as anyone. For once in her life, she has hope that something is going to work out.

-/-

Next year Valentine’s Day is spent eating pizza with Killian and Henry with the only acknowledgement of the day being Henry giving the two of them the leftover cards from his class.

It’s perfect.

The year after that Killian doesn’t have to travel five hours to see them.

That’s somehow more than perfect.

“Can we say that our anniversary is Valentine’s Day, love?” Killian asks her as his lips press into her temple.

“Never,” she sighs, “but maybe the day isn’t as bad as it used to be.”

[twoidiotwriters1]

Déjà Vu (Or are we losing our minds?) XI -Modern!Shirbert

A/N: Ngl This is one of my favourites -Danny

Words: 3,377

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Eleven: Everyone's enemy is on their wrist.

'She was not a chapter,

                 She was the whole story.'

The date had gone alright, though the girl wasn't very interested in having a second meeting. He couldn't blame her, he'd been absent half of the time. Whenever a red glimpse of something would catch his eye he would perk up in his seat only to be met with disappointment.

However, he lied to his friends saying he'd had a blast and maybe he'd go out with the girl another day, though he already knew that was never going to happen.

He fell face-first on his bed with a groan, not even trying to change into his pyjamas, and in a matter of seconds, he was fast asleep.

__________________

Anne was officially having a bad Christmas break.

She was alone in her room, binge-watching movies and bawling. Fortunately, Marilla and Matthew had decided to visit Rachel so she was alone, otherwise, they'd be very worried about her mental health.

She'd considered calling either Cole or Diana, but she decided not to, she didn't want to ruin their holidays. She could've called Jerry, but he'd said something about taking his siblings to meet Santa and Anne didn't feel like going out and being miserable in public.

So she was alone and crying to shitty rom-coms. It wasn't even that she was crying for Roy, she was just... lonely. She didn't need a relationship to feel whole, but Roy had taken advantage of her naivety, he'd tricked her into believing he was the one, only to crush every single one of her dreams by cheating on her.

In conclusion, Anne just felt like her first experience had been enough to obliterate all her optimism. Love was a decision. Soulmates were a scam, and she was a twenty-three-year-old destined to be alone forever.

__________________

Anne was moving into her new apartment and slowly building the life she wanted to have forever.

There was a little problem, though. Her soulmate was an asshole.

Now, you're not obliged to marry your soulmate, or to love them romantically. But Anne has always dreamed about her sweet, beautiful wedding, and she'd always dreamed it would be with her soulmate, so she was determined to make it work.

Roy didn't agree. He was a 'free soul', and he wanted to stay that way. Even though Anne loved him like she'd never loved anyone before.

Either way, Roy was her soulmate and -someone knocked on the door, Anne didn't hear it- it was her duty to help him see they were meant to be and—

The knocks became so insistent and loud that the ground vibrated under her feet. She took off her earphones and ran up to the door, thinking that maybe it was the pizza she'd ordered.

"Sorry!" She ran to get her bag. "Coming!"

When she opened the door, however, there was no pizza delivery. Instead, a very grumpy-looking man was glaring at her, and he was holding...

"Rusty!" Anne gasped.

"Your cat jumped on me when I climbing up the stairs!" He exclaimed.

"How do you know it's mine?"

"Well, because you're the new neighbour and this monster wasn't here yesterday," The man frowned. "And you just called it Rusty!"

"He's not a monster, he's playful!"

"Yeah, well, he didn't feel playful when he tried to gauge my eyes out!"

"Oh, you're one of those," Anne scoffed, grabbing her cat and gently placing him on the kitchen counter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her new neighbour scowled at her.

"You think cats are heartless beings that only wish to kill humans. As if humans are actually that worthy..."

He gaped and moved his mouth without actually speaking, then he just scoffed and turned around.

"You know what, I don't have time for this. I just came back from a nightshift and I'm tired, just don't let it happen again..."

Anne felt a sting of annoyance, who was he to boss her around?

The man left before she could say anything to him, but to her dismay, he barely walked a few meters before entering the apartment next to hers. That was not ideal.

"A little help here, Anne?" Diana called from the stairs.

The woman helped Diana carry the box, she also told her all about the unfortunate incident with the man living next door, and Diana let out a quiet gasp.

"You annoyed Dr Blythe? No, Anne! I was planning on asking him out!"

"It's not my fault he's an idiot!" She said defensively. "You can ask him out if you want, but I must say you can do better than a grumpy dude..."

"Gilbert's not grumpy! He was so kind to me when I came to see the apartment the first time! You probably had the misfortune to get on his nerves while he was sleep-deprived. He works a lot..."

Anne dropped the box abruptly.

"How did you call him?"

"What? Gilbert?" She repeated. "Well, that's his name."

"Ohohoh!" Anne hurriedly lifted her right sleeve. "No no no no Diana! You can't date him!"

"What?!" Diana got closer and read the thin letters across Anne's wrist. "Oh, c'mon, Anne! Just one date?"

"No! There's a reason I'll hate him, what if the reason is that he'll break your heart?" Anne hid the name and shook her head energetically "You can't date him."

The rules were simple. Two names tattooed on your body. One soulmate, one swore enemy. Roy was her soulmate, she'd loved him for years. This Gilbert was destined to be her personal headache for a long, long time. Which explained why Rusty had been so rude to him, he could probably sense the bad vibes.

"What kind of name is Gilbert, anyway?" Anne scoffed. "Sounds like an idiot..."

"He's not. He really isn't," Diana said, closing the door behind her. "Anne please, just listen to me, he's sweet and smart and he's a doctor!"

"And he's meant to make my life a living hell!" Anne finished.

***

All Gilbert wanted was to have a six-hour nap. Why did God hate him?

The girls moving next door were loud and continued to argue through the day, although he couldn't hear what were they fighting about. Either way, he just wanted to have a quiet evening.

He never got his quiet evening, that night nor the next four. The redheaded nightmare was always causing some kind of mishap, he could hear things falling and breaking, he even heard her scream 'Fire!' once and her roommate's voice going 'ANNE, NOT AGAIN–'

Anne.

He had that name on his wrist.

No no no no no no.

There's no way this girl was his soulmate.

***

It was 7 am on a Saturday and Anne was coming back from yet another sleepless night fighting with Roy. Her eyes felt heavy, and her nose was red from the cold and the crying. She was thankful she'd come home early, Diana was probably either taking a shower or still sleeping, but at least she wouldn't be able to see how messy she looked.

Just as she was reaching the landing of her floor, a figure crashed against her, sending her back down the stairs. Anne yelped and landed weirdly on her wrist. She heard Gilbert swearing loudly and rushing to her side.

"Great," She muttered in anger. "'Course you had to be here..."

"I'm so sorry!" Gilbert kneeled next to her. "Are you injured?"

"Just my pride," She replied bluntly. "Listen, doctor, why don't you leave me alone? I can take care of myself."

"How do you..?" He shook his head. "Nevermind. Please stop acting tough and let me help you, it's my fault you fell... though you should see where you're walking from time to time..."

"You're trying to help me or are you trying to make me hate you more?"

"Hate– Hate me?" He asked in surprise. "Why do you hate me?"

"Because you're my enemy, that's why!"

"What?" He frowned. "You think I'm your–?"

"I don't think, I know," She stood up hastily, refusing his help. "You, Gilbert Blythe, are my swore enemy. And you should know that by now, my name must be on your wrist too, take a look. I'm Anne."

Gilbert just stared at her, she could not tell what that meant, but it wasn't the spiteful glare she was expecting.

"Okay," He said after a moment. "...Yeah, if that makes sense to you..."

"What's that supposed to– argh!"

Gilbert forced her to sit back on the steps as he looked for injuries. When he found his broken wrist, he nodded once and stood up.

"You're coming with me," He said, grabbing her bag and hanging it over his shoulder. "C'mon, we have to fix that hand."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" Anne exclaimed. "What if this is just a plan to kill me?"

"Oh yes, Anne. I just found out you're my enemy so of course, my first reaction will be to try and murder you," He raised a brow. "I'm taking you to the hospital, don't be dramatic."

Anne swore under her breath, but she didn't refuse his help this time as he gently pulled her up to her feet. Both adults walked quietly side by side until Anne spoke in a sort of childish manner.

"I need a nap..."

"That makes two of us," He huffed. "You are the loudest neighbour ever, I haven't been able to sleep at all whenever you're home."

"I prefer the term feisty," She said. "You could've just knocked on our door and told me to be quiet."

"Yeah? And you surely would've reacted in a gentle fashion, right?"

Anne turned up her nose, ignoring the sarcastic way he'd said it.

"Well of course! I'm not a monster! Even though you insist on calling me and my cat that way..."

"I never called you a monster," He said. "I called you loud. And rude. And–"

"Yeah okay, got it."

Once in the road, Gilbert remained silent, but she could feel him staring out of the corner of his eye. She kept her brows furrowed, not only because of him but because of her fight with Roy. She couldn't even remember what was the fight about, but she just knew it had been awful, and sometimes she just wanted to chuck that big head of his down the–

"We're here!" Gilbert turned to look at her. "C'mon, the faster we heal you the quicker you can walk away from your 'enemy'."

Anne stared at him without knowing whether if he was mocking or not. He seemed amused, but Anne didn't know why.

"Why are you acting like it's a joke? You know we're enemies, I'm on your wrist!"

"Well, yeah, there's an Anne on my wrist," Gilbert raised a brow. "But who says it's you?"

"Because I have you on my wrist! And Gilbert is not a common name these days, is it? I've never heard it until now, honestly–"

The man laughed, his whole face lit up and he looked away, slightly shaking his head.

"What?" She groaned. "What's so funny?"

"You're so upset about this!" He snorted. "You know that whole thing about enemies and soulmates is only relevant if you're like twelve, right?"

Anne had heard enough. Of course her enemy was going to be her complete opposite, of course he was going to be blunt and sceptic, and annoying and so so boring!

***

He knew Anne was his soulmate for the sole fact that the name on his left wrist was a man's. One that he knew already, and he disliked deeply. Although just like he'd said, hating out loud was a very childish thing to do. Or at least, that was his opinion.

However, he could not bring himself to clear things out. She was so determined on hating him it was almost cute, she was really trying. Besides, messing with his soulmate for a bit longer sounded fun, and she would find out the truth eventually, once she met her real nemesis.

He waited until Anne was fixed and ready, he didn't want to start his shift worrying about leaving her alone.

Anne was less pouty and defensive when she walked out, but now she looked overworked. She'd looked exhausted all morning, and he wondered if he was the real reason why she was so angry to start with.

"Let's get you lunch," He told her. When he noticed she was about to argue back, he added, "my treat! I pushed you down the stairs, after all. Consider this your payback, once we're even you can hate me all you want and I can, I don't know, try to poison your cat or something."

Anne stared at him in alarm.

" If something ever happens to my cat I'll kill you, Blythe."

***

Gilbert insisted on taking her home, and she was (regrettably) not as angry at him as before. That could always change though, enemies don't have to hate each other all the time, it'd be tiring.

"Did you mean what you say a while ago?" She questioned. "About soulmates and rivals not being relevant unless you're a kid?"

"Well... a bit," He shrugged. "What I meant to say is that you shouldn't let it consume you. Life is about way more than just the people you're meant to meet. And if you really think about it, it's just two people, you'll meet more throughout the course of your life, and who's to say you won't love or hate them more than the ones that marked you?"

Anne stared at him having nothing to say. It was weird, being rendered speechless. That doesn't happen to her often. Gilbert must've misread this, since he blushed madly and shook his head.

"I'm talking nonsense. Sorry, everyone always tells me that... Apparently, I'm too unrealistic to work in the medical field," He chuckled. "Like that makes me any less good..."

"I think that what you said was beautiful," It was her turn to get flustered. "Er... well, but you should check that narcissistic speech you've got."

"I prefer the term confident," He smiled.

"Sure you do..."

As they reached her doorstep, she stopped and turned, staring at him with a little frown.

"I gotta ask, Blythe. Any normal person would be at least a bit wary around their foe. Even if you are one of those who think 'keep your enemies close' is a wise move."

"You didn't ask anything," He said with a little smile.

"I'm getting to that! Geez," She rolled her eyes. "Why are you so unbothered about this? Do you... Have you not... you know, met your soulmate?"

"Have you?"

"Yeah."

***

He was not expecting that answer. He had to play it cool, though, so he tried his best to hide his disappointment.

"Oh."

Yeah, that'll do it.

Idiot.

Maybe he'd gotten two enemies? That'd be really shitty.

Then again, God really did hate him.

"Listen, Anne," He tried again. "It's a silly belief, you don't have to waste your time hating me if you don't want to. Honestly, I think it'd do us a favour, wouldn't it be better to simply stay away from your nemesis now that you know who he is?"

"I... I guess," She replied, but she didn't sound as certain as before. "So you really haven't met your person?"

Gilbert hesitated, then decided to keep up his lighthearted attitude.

"I mean, I met the other name a while ago, when I was in Highschool," He admitted. "But I'm starting to think that maybe I judged him wrong... although he was an asshole and I can't see myself spending my nights with such an idiot."

Anne let out a soft giggle.

"Maybe you were too harsh on him? Like I was with you?"

"Well, the thing is that I never liked him. From the moment I met him I just knew he was a fool. But wouldn't it be funny if I give him a call and end up falling for him now?" He snorted. "After all the stuff I said about him when I was a kid... Even gave him a nickname: 'Royal piece of shit'. It took me like five seconds. That's his real name. Royal."

"What?"

"I know, right? Who calls his son like that?"

"Royal?" She insisted. "As in Roy?"

"I'm pretty sure it's Roy as in Royal," He tilted his head. "Why?"

"Royal Garner?"

"Yeah! Wait– You know him?"

Anne hurriedly took off her jacket and threw it aside, showing him her wrist.

"I got him too!" Anne exclaimed. "But he's my... Oh my god! I hate him!" She laughed sort of maniacally. "I hate his guts! Oh god, I'm so relieved! I thought I was stuck with a shitty partner! Oh my..." She gazed down in sudden realization. "I've been holding back all my opinions on him because I thought he was my soulmate! I had a crush on him and when we started dating he turned out to be awful! I assumed you were my enemy because, well, I liked him first and I never thought I'd like my enemy! And I just straight-up disliked you the first time we talked!"

Gilbert was having a hard time processing all the information Anne was dropping on him.

"Wait," He said a bit stupidly. "Does that mean we're meant to hate the same person?"

"Yeah!" She said brightly. "I'm going to break up with him right now!"

She turned around and opened the door to her apartment, then stopped again.

"Are you free on Sunday?"

"Wha– Yeah, I guess?" He said, still trying to understand what was happening. "You're dating Roy Garner?"

"Technically yes, but that's about to change!" She was suddenly so giddy it looked like she'd absorbed all his energy. "I'll break up with him and then I'll take you out this Sunday– Consider it a thank you for paying my lunch today– And an apology for being such a shitty soulmate..."

"You're far from being shitty, Anne," He declared. He wasn't sure of what was going on, but it seemed he'd gotten a date with his soulmate, so he wasn't complaining. "See you Sunday, then?"

"See you!" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before stepping into her apartment and closing the door.

"Okay," He mumbled, then let out a burst of nervous laughter. "Okay..."

__________________

Gilbert woke up in a wonderful mood. Bash and Mary thought it had to do with the girl he'd met yesterday, but they were wrong.

In Gilbert's mind, there was only room for a certain redhead, one he now knew the name of.

Anne.

However, as the day continued its course, Gilbert lost his spark. He was tired of just dreaming.

It sounded crazy, but he was sure this girl was real, and he'd seen her somewhere in real life, he just knew it...

And now he had a clue in the shape of none other but his Highschool rival. Royal 'Roy' Garner. What harm could come from trying? He'd be careful not to show any signs of craziness around his friends, that was all.

He was going to find her.

__________________

Anne's phone woke her up with a start.

'Gotta call Roy', She thought drowsily. When she realized that thought was stupid she took a moment to go back to reality.

Diana was calling, and she was asking for a night out with her best friend before Christmas.

When she hung up, her finger hovered over the picture she'd been reluctant to delete the day before. She pressed the button without hesitation this time.

"I don't need his pictures to remember, not that the memories were that good, anyway," Anne sentenced. "Just like Gilbert said–"

The young woman stopped mid-sentence.

Who the hell was Gilbert?

He's a doctor.

And... a prince? He certainly looked like one...

She was pretty sure he'd been the same working at a flower shop... and the coffee shop.

He was the guy in her dreams.

"What the fuck," She said with a soft chuckle. "I have a wild mind..."

Surely this was just another of her imaginings, after all, she was pretty good at dreaming things.

"Anne! Breakfast is ready!"

Anne got up, forgetting half of her dream as she got dressed.

"Coming, Marilla!"

Taglist.

@ninizkd @http-itsrebecca @fuckthisshitimoutyall @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​​ @little-boats-on-a-lake @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @Skarlygonzalez

[such-a-melt]

➳breaking the rules

Pairing: platonic(ish)!Priya x mc, a bit of Bobby x mc cus he’s the love of my life and I couldn’t help myself

Summary: Priya is vulnerable, and it’s obvious that no one else will save her. (Aka how day 18 should’ve ended.)

Warnings: mc gets just a lil bit panicky, otherwise none

Note: there’s not much romance between mc and Priya in this one. Tbh I just miss her sm and she deserved better. Also please excuse me if my writing is shitty. I finished highscool and have been on a two month holiday, so I have literally not picked up a pen this whole time. My iq is slowly dropping as the summer progresses and it’ll take a while for me to get back into writing anything decent. Tbh I’m really nervous to post this because I know it isn’t my best work but I’m gonna suck it up and hope for the best🤷🏻‍♀️

•

You were hyper aware of Lottie’s presence next to you. She radiated confidence, undoubtedly feeling proud of her choice to save Noah, who now stood beside her. You could already tell what would happen next; Bobby would catch Lottie’s drift and choose Hope, despite his whole plan to test them through operation Nope. Gary would choose Chelsea, and that left Priya. Your best friend in the villa, your ride or die, the only girl in the house you truly respected. Blake would undoubtedly be sent packing, but Priya? You couldn’t just let her leave now. She had more chances of finding love than all three boys combined.

You flinched at the sound of the text tone coming from your phone, and stood up without even reading it. You caught a glimpse of Priya, and she was looking down, avoiding everyone’s gaze. She also had an idea of how the recoupling would end, and she knew it would be with her packing her bags and walking away from the villa. She had made too many mistakes. From arguing with Lottie to grafting on Noah, she wasn’t surprised the public didn’t take a liking to her.

Your hands were shaking as you stood up, feeling small under the burning stares of the other islanders. The decision seemed to hang over your head, the pressure of having to send someone home making you shrink in your own skin. You started warily, your voice coming out more shaky than you were expecting.

“I want to couple up with this person because...” you started, the panic obvious in the way you spoke. You glanced from Elijah to Jakub to Lucas, all three waiting for your verdict, “I-” you stuttered, the gravity of the situation taking a toll on you. Your fists clenched and unclenched by your side, an attempt to aliviate the anxiety swelling up in your chest. You focused on taking a deep breath in hope of distracting yourself from the countless thoughts in your mind. You caught sight of the other islanders, taking note of how Marisol looked at you in concern. You didn’t even have to look back to feel Bobby’s gaze on you, knowing that he too was worried. Those two were always very considerate.

You collected your thoughts, and took another deep breath, “no matter who I choose, I’ll be in a friendship couple. But this person deserves a shot at love. They stand out from this crowd, and the villa wouldn’t be the same without them..”

There was no way in hell you would ever choose Jakub. He was the reason the whole villa was a mess, and he wasn’t exactly your type, both physically and personality-wise. Lucas was practically in the same boat; he was the reason Bobby didn’t get a chance to choose you at the last recoupling. And Elijah.. well you reckoned you could save him for Chelsea, but god did that man annoy you. Even in Casa Amor, you were convinced the two of you would never get along. You liked none of the guys that stood in front of you. Your gaze drifted to Priya once more.

You breathed out shakily, were you really gonna do this? “I don’t wanna mess things up, but this is the only person that I really want to couple up with..” Everyone looked at you, eyebrows raised in an unanimous question; how exactly would your decision mess things up?

You took another moment, thinking of last season. Talia had coupled up with a girl earlier on than this, on day 8. So you could too, right? And they didn’t exactly specify you had to couple up with a boy.. did they? You cursed yourself, wishing you had read the text before standing up and starting your speech. Too late now.

“And if I do get kicked out for this it will be bullshit,” A few islanders gasped, others muttered to themselves. You heard the faintest whisper of your name, knowing it came from Bobby’s direction. For a second you felt guilty. What if you actually got kicked out? The two of you would never get another chance. You were the only one he managed to like as more than friends, what would he say?

You pushed the thoughts aside, knowing you were making the right choice. You were going with what your heart was telling you, and frankly you didn’t care what anyone else thought. Ignoring the muttering of the other islanders, you finished your speech, “but anyway, the person I want to couple up with is Priya.”

Priya’s head shot up, shock taking over her features, but soon her face broke into a genuine smile. As soon as her eyes met yours, you knew you had made the right choice. Priya strode up to you and enveloped you in a hug, muttering the sweetest “thank you,”. Over her shoulder you could see the three boys you had just rejected. They all stared at you in disbelief, and while Priya moved to stand by you all was silent. You looked straight ahead though, trying to ignore the glances Bobby and Lottie gave you from beside you. This was the right thing to do. Lucas was an asshole, Jakub would clearly never find love considering he was also an asshole, and you didn’t even want imagine being in a couple with Elijah.

Another text tone rang out, and you held your breath, praying it wasn’t yours. One text could end it all. They could tell you to your choice wasn’t valid, that you had to choose a boy, and then what good would the whole ordeal have been? Even worse, the producers could just decide to kick both you and Priya out. I’m such an idiot, you thought to yourself. It was reality tv after all; they only really cared about making their game work.

You were mentally preparing yourself for bad news, but you saw Bobby lift his phone, and let out a breath of relief. You hoped the lack of response from the producers meant they accepted your choice. Bobby got up, and as expect chose Hope. The recoupling commenced without a single text on your phone; until it was over, and Lucas, Jakub, Elijah and Blake left to pack their things.

The remaining islanders sat in a weird silence, not quite awkward but not entirely comfortable. Feeling your confidence waver at the way a few of them stared at you, you decided to break the silence.

“So.. I guess Priya’s staying.”

Priya couldn’t help but let out a giggle, and soon everyone else joined in with their own little sounds of amusement.

You felt Bobby wrap his arms around you and pull you into bear hug, “you idiot, you could’ve gotten yourself kicked out!”, he scolded but laughter rang through his words and you couldn’t help but chuckle along.

“Honestly though, I’m kinda glad you did that,” Lottie admitted, “I mean, none of those boys were getting anywhere really.”

The other islanders muttered in agreement, and you felt your chest swell up with pride at the support you were getting. Now that the recoupling was over, you noticed just how exhausting it was, amd you stood up with a yawn, “well I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired as fuck and I’d like to cuddle up with a certain someone,” you laughed, winking at Priya. She smiled back warmly and took your hand, and the two of you walked away with the other islanders in tow.

//

[hecohansen31]

Angel

Jim Mason+Influencer! Reader:

(A/N): Hello lovelies!

I am very happy to have you back in this last episode of this miniseries, which I really hope you’ll like, alongside, again, if you have more ideas and want to send asks about this verses... I AM READY FOR IT, BRING IT ON BITCHES!

Also... I have said that this fic might be a bit self-indulgent and it is because, although I am not an influencer of any kind, I am very active on my social medias (mostly instagram, if you want to follow me or anything, and we are mutuals, just DM me) and this July I ended up hitting a very bad kind of exhaustion from that platform.

I honestly ended up feeling extremely shitty, alongside discovering many fake people who were around me, and for this reason I am happy that I managed to get here on tumblr (although there are some fake people on here, but like I don’t have to interact with them).

So, although the cyberbullying part of the story is only fictional, the exhaustion that took over reader, ended up being a reality for me, a bit ago, and although I am all better (better than before), I just wanted to remind you to take healthy pauses from social medias.

Also please don’t shame people who work on them, alongside use them as an outlet for anxiet and stress (like me).

I really hope you won’t judge me too badly, after this...

Also I’ll just remind you to show some love, if you like this, with hearts, reblogs (possibly saying something) and if you have anything to say about these, my DMs and asks are always open!

Much love!

SUMMARY: Jim Mason takes care of his social media exhausted girlfriend.

WORDS: 1,7 K

WARNINGS: Mention of Cyberbulling And Exhaustion from Social Medias (I WASN’T CYBERBULLIED, although I had my fair share of assholish comment, NOT HERE, but the cyberbullying was only fictional, whereas exhaustion is something I experienced back in July)

Jim knew of his girlfriend’s social media fame.

Although he wasn’t informed about the entire thing and how it worked, being more focused on staying in the moment and living it, he was proud of what she achieved with her photos and captions, even going as far as helping her shot a few.

He still remembered the way she smiled gently meanwhile he tried to take photos of her, meanwhile she pointed out each cheap tip she knew, starting with “shoot from a lower angle than my height, so that I might appear taller” and “make sure to take the right light”.

She might have seemed shallow to others, but whenever Jim cried his heart out in her arm, she only had the sweetest words for him, calming him down enough that they fell asleep calmly, next to each other in her simple pull-out.

She cuddled closer to him, whenever she understood he needed it and made sure to always be there, next to him, her entire attention focused on him.

He had never checked her profile, mostly because she had pleaded with him not to give it a look.

“It’s silly” she had mumbled, meanwhile she had tried to get his phone off his hands “… and embarrassing!”.

And Jim had respected her wishes, offering just his help with photos or ideas, but whenever they were together, the entire social media thought was off the rack between them, preferring a direct conversation, although sometimes she got in overload and at that time social medias were her outlet.

But sometimes they were also her damnation.

Jim had noticed the difference in his girlfriend’s mood, since the start of the week: quieter and definitely less happy, a mumble being her way to speak, if she spoke up, clearly not energetic in the slightest and definitely not focused.

His knowledge of drugs and their effects had made him think that she might have been under those, but slowly the unfocused glaze had moved from rage to sadness: one day she was moping on the beach and another she almost got into a rage-filled fight with whatever was not working.

Jimmy had tried his best to understand her, but she didn’t want to talk about it with him so he tried to stay close to her, but the bad week moved to two bad weeks and there Jim had thought about searching through her social, mostly due to the fact that she focused on them more, even neglecting herself and him a bit.

“I just need to write the last paragraph” she had mumbled, meanwhile she had refused to stop writing to sleep a bit or “I will eat after I edited this photo, I mean… I don’t need food”.

It all got Jim worried, more and more.

And then he had decided that he had only one chance to discover what was going on.

He had opened Instagram, her major social network, and then had moved to her profile, the public one (she had a private one, full of photos that made Jim’s heart jump: candid of them together, not professionally taken but… Jim loved them all the same) and had gone through it.

He had first seen that she hadn’t any stories going on, which was unusual since she did her best to try to at least show a bit of her everyday life each day.

“So, my followers don’t feel left out” she had mumbled and although Jim had thought it was a strange voyeuristic idea, he had just hugged her and called her “angel”.

“Angel” was also part of her username on Instagram, due mostly to her followers, which had started calling her “angel”, because of the intrinsic sweetness of her posts and the personality she showed on the social network.

The stories thing had been already strange, but also her follower count had diminished, nothing too bad, but he had heard his angel protest about that.

“I just can’t believe that these people unfollow me just because I don’t follow them back and you know what is worst… I have talked to them… I felt like… we were friends”.

But he had soon discovered the true reason behind his girlfriend’s sadness: the comments honestly made him angry.

The most recent ones were ruthless: “you are fat”, “kill yourself” “you are annoying”…

And they went on, although some were sweeter, clearly (Y/N)’s true fans.

He had honestly hoped it was a troll, nothing but a joke.

But those comments had been serious, since he hadn’t been able to recognize the familiar path of a troll, instead they were real people, under fake accounts or their real accounts sharing that hate.

He honestly hadn’t been able to stop himself from feeling furious now that he understood what was going on, and meanwhile he had signaled each negative comment, he had seen the stories light up, the first one of the day.

A photo with a writing on it: “guys I just wanted to let you know that I will be taking a pause, due to all the hate I have been getting, I don’t know when I will get back”.

Although the text has been intelligently written and concealed her emotion, he had clearly known she was crying meanwhile writing it.

He knew how much work she put into the social media, although it never was her job, she had started, long before meeting him, using it as a relief method from her own problem, so to be let down this way….

… it obviously hurt her.

After he had signaled enough accounts he had just tried to let the rage burn down, meanwhile he had created a plan to make his angel feel better: his first idea had been to go out, knowing that an expensive dinner and a few dances might get her distracted, but this would just push just the argument further.

So, he had just organized a home-made dinner (which meant him ordering take-out), bribing her to attend it with the promise of a lot of cuddles and a make-out session and most importantly to watch for the umpteenth times her favorite movie.

She clearly felt a bit better, when she finally walked in his house, being swept off her feet by an ecstatic Jim, who gently kissed her forehead, before he had put her down, leading her to the little kitchen of his apartment, the one his father had gotten him once he had gone out of rehab.

It was nice, although pretty small, but Jim loved it all more, and since he had met his angel it had all been better.

They had made so many memories, alongside she had helped perfecting it all.

“Ma’am, please sit down” he helped her to the dinner table, taking her jean jacket and her bag, coming back with an open bottle of wine, which he poured in their inadequate glasses, and with the first course, (Y/N)’s favorite course.

“Oh, you went all out” her smile didn’t reach her eyes, but she was indeed grateful, holding out her hand to grab his, which was kept tangled with his for the entire dinner

She talked about her day, chirping happily meanwhile she avoided carefully the social media argument and Jim didn’t pressure her, just watching her eat, in peaceful silence and only when they moved to wash the dishes he grumbled lowly:

-… sweetie, I checked your page on Instagram- he felt her grow stiff next to him -… I know that it embarrasses you, but I thought that you had been so gloomy these past weeks and I thought that your social media might have been bothering you, extremely… so I had to do something…-.

-Oh Jimmy! – she was avoiding his eyes, clearly ashamed -… I am so sorry you had to see all that… it…-.

-You are getting hate thrown your way for nothing, (Y/N)- he wanted to make sure she knew it wasn’t her fault In the slightest -…I can’t honestly fathom people doing this to you, whereas you have been nothing but an angel with them-.

-I am not sure… I mean…- a sad smile was on her face -… I am pretty sure that many people will call me a bitch with no problem…-.

-… well I am gonna fight them all, babe- he brought her closer and smacked a sound kiss on her head -… you don’t deserve this hate, believe me, I spent two hours trying to ban each asshole-.

-That is incredibly sweet, Jimmy Boy- she giggled, but a few tears shone on his eyes -… but I don’t think that it will stop the hate from spreading; that’s why I decided to take a holiday-.

Jim saw that an honest smile shone on her face and moved the rag onto its hook to hug her better, bearhugging her and gently caressing her back, gently, and shushing her cries.

-Angel of mine, I am so so sorry I was not able to know more about this- he mumbled, feeling a low protest -… I honestly thought it wasn’t that bad-.

-I didn’t even talk about it with you- she justified softly, getting a bit of distance between them to be able to watch him in the eyes -… I wanted to handle on my own, because, at first, I thought it wasn’t anything worrying, and then… I just felt like social media were a thing I needed to solve alone, my thing-.

He knew this came from all the prejudices linked with her passion for social medias: he had heard about some of her friends annoying her saying not only she was asocial, but also self-absorbed.

She hadn’t been very open about her life on them with him, also because of this, thinking that he would be making fun of her, exactly like her “friends”.

-I know that you take pride into your profile, but… you can lean onto me, I am here for you- he promised her looking at her in the eyes with extreme seriousness, before hugging her close, keeping his lips on her forehead, a comforting gesture -… I am still extremely proud of you for recognizing that you were having troubles and deciding to distance yourself from that… you are one smart angel-.

She giggled at the nickname, before freeing herself from his hug, although she still felt extremely bad, a smile shone on her face.

-Now you better get in your comfortable pajama, because this smart angel wants to watch for the umpteenth time (Y/F/F), with a lot of cuddles- and she turned around, getting a slight slap on her ass from Jim.

-… don’t forget the make-out session! -.

---

Hello lovelies!

Thank you for coming this far, in my self-indulgent mumbling and thank you for sticking me all through this series, I really hope you enjoyed it, and in case some of you want to read the previous chapters, you might find them here! (Duncan) (Michael)

@so-langdon @1-800-bitchcraft @emmyrosee @blakewaterxx @rocketgirl2410 @ladynuwanda @w0nder-marie @bitchchatter @eternalnostalgia @chirpdesu @dreamxcollide @head-full-of-thougts @lonely-cloud @im-the-music-whore @orendamill @ayeayecaptaingally @loveofmonstersandroses @kleineshaschen @dramapenguinthe3rd @drama-penguins @vampirefairyestelle @ @hplotrfan @a-exmrie @meandmystrangehabits @lovelylangdonx  @britishmoonchild @michael-langdon-appreciation (I keep tagging you and please let me know if it is fine, but I know that you liked the previous chapter!) @mega-combusken @frenchbread4ever  @confettucini @what-the-hecku @langdonsplaytoy @saviorinsilk @cherrysoda-com@loveableasshole @sona-blues  @xoxocrystal17 @bish-ima-clown  @idespac  @annielovebug22 @literary-monster @g4ost  @rubyeru @breakingsupernaturlbad101 @dyns33 @hadeslittlewhore @ lsutgurxb @kelncurls @lathraios @rosegoldrichie @ohlookheather @ softyash @honeylavender-bombshell @ swinginfestivalhoagieflap @lotsofhunny @ ashleyallen-queen-carter @ uniquepandaeagleparty @ elviradamien23

[imperiusv]

II -R U Mine?

                                              Ausculor                                                 Release

I could barely breathe, my heart was beating like war drum , i felt light headed and as i was coming down from a really strong high, you looked me in the eyes, no hint of smile nor affection, just a blank, soulless stare,vanished. Panic mode turned on immediately - literally what the fuck? Months of shit and finally something good happens - you would expect more of the same, but nope, shitstorm incoming. I frantically start looking for you , perhaps she felt bad or dizzy, I say to myself, trying to justify your behavior again. Finally i find you on the ground in some bedroom talking on the phone and blatantly ignoring me, I am literally in full on panic mode, what the fuck is going on? We leave for the club and you told me to fuck off. The library was the venue, i proceeded to get wasted and didn’t bother with you anymore, I spend a lot of time with my friends and the night progressed into a drunken haze, i find myself talking to Indy outside for a good 30 minutes, they didn’t let the gypsy motherfucker into the club ,perfect opportunity to sober up, Timur gets in a taxi drunk with Yavuz, after they ate pizza , I lied that i will leave too, secretly i was waiting for you. I saw Baptiste with that girl , i don’t seem to recall her name,but i think they were kissing, i was really drunk , but i remember the look in his eyes when we made eye contact, the guilt and fear in his eye told the whole story, he was doing something he was not supposed to  and got caught , I don’t remember what happened next but i ended up meeting you outside, which was the point of the whole torture, we went home together, i remember how you cuddled up and took my hand in the bus, it was really sweet , one of those good drama free moments we had, we just stayed in silence enjoying the comfort of each other.

Big surprise after that - we didn’t talk for almost 10 days, the first of many times we will go into radio silence mode over the next couple of months, malus through Timur and we started talking again, which you did again , weirdly for someone you don’t care , trying to reach out to them, but yeah whatever. 8th of December we met again, I was out with my friends again and we were supposed to meet, you came in really late and we decided to ditch them all together, it was just you and me, walking around the streets in the dead of night, trying to figure out shit, we talked a lot, no idea what about , quite incoherent now, but i remember we kissed under a light pole , it was a shitty kiss, you made it like that just to prove a point, all i remember after is that we got the bus back home and you were texting some other guys or colleagues to go to there, i felt you had a thing for one of the guys, which this was only confirmed after that, but yeah i saw it even back then with no background or anything, it is a curse to see so clearly i know.

Birthday! Did you know your birthday is 16 days after mine?That’s two years,two weeks and two days after me, yeah mind-blown. I took you to eat cakes, i believe everyone deserves a cake on their birthday, it was fun, no drama and bullshit, but that was just the start of the day. In the evening we had the party, i knew you were still thinking not to come, so i came to shots to get you and to make sure we ended up the Labyrinth. I still remember you wore the red dress and i had my red shirt on,the first part of the evening , we spend blatantly ignoring each other and i stopped giving you attention at one point and proceeded to get fucked up , i was smoking outside alone and you came and sat in my lap, blabbing some stuff , but i didn’t even listen, I started playing with your hair and kissing your neck and we made out for a good 3-4 hours, first outside, then we went to the back in the dark,on those smelly rugged coaches, it was like we couldn’t get enough of each other , i have never kissed anyone for so long, at one point we stopped and i realized it was 4 am and the bar was starting to close down, i begged the to play RHCP By The Way and we danced and made out some more, then hit the road, during the time we were on the couch, people were talking to us, joking, fooling around, but i didn’t even notice them , such a connection that was, i felt like we were one. I wasn’t expecting sex so i decided to go on an adventure with you, I really wanted you to remember that birthday, so i thought it would be a great idea to take you to see the sunrise, we tried going into that rooftop,but it had fucking rats and was locked, i laughed so hard, when there was a noise and we thought the rats were coming for us, somehow i decided that it would be a brilliant idea if we can’t see it from the rooftop to go to the mountains, but it was cold as fuck, i mean it was fucking December , wtf do you expect, dumb-ass? It was such a good evening , no drama, no bullshit , mostly kissing and having a good time , a real adventure. I thought after this we will be together, but i was wrong again, i screwed up again.This time it was my fault , I took you to Pierre’s when i should have given you space  and let all that affection and good time i had given you , ferment like good grapes, i was too available and wanted more and more of you, such beta moves.

We went to his party and i really wanted to show you the view, cuz the last time i was there all i could think of was showing it to you, yeah, fuck me . They of course made jokes of it and said we were like a couple or whatever which was an anathema to you at that point. I managed to salvage the situation by joking and stuff and then pulling a vanishing act with you alongside me, a trick i learned from you - to vanish from people , you did this to me numerous times in the months before , mostly at shots or any other bars, sometimes you vanished with guys like that screw up Romaine or whatever his name was, that disgusting french guy, but now i see you have a thing for disgusting guys, by looking at your new boyfriend , sometimes i feel sick and want to throw up, but yeah i guess you have that mentality of not fighting for something that’s worth it ,but rather settling for something that’s easy and available and wont cause you any problems down the road , but yeah whatever lets go on with the story. We went to Shots and had a good time again, we danced and made out , it was pretty chill, but even as we were there, i knew i had screwed up and you were gonna give me shit now , but the more ridiculous thing was that you knew it as well and went with it, even tho , knowing that my friends were the reason why and they were the assholes , i was just inconsiderate.So you cut all contact off in the next days , but surprise mothefucker i came to the star wars stuff you were so shocked and we didn’t talk until Christmas,but I guess you responded to challenge and started to miss me , when i contacted you , we talked for hours and hours every day, I could listen to your voice all day back then, now just imagining it , to be honest i can’t even remember how your voice sounds, but it sends chills down my spine, just thinking about it makes my blood boil. My grandpa had passed away so maybe that was one of the reasons you were more warmed up to me, but i remember how much better i felt after we started talking and when you said that over the holidays you imagined me as something more and really was starting to miss me and thinking of me in another way, I felt so ecstatic and got really excited about seeing you again, but then again you said it passed like gas. During those days we talked so much and i got to know you even more and more, we would go on for hours on the phone, even Timur was annoyed, who visited me for fucking Christmas , jesus how could i forget this, for the last three years he had been with me for Christmas and New year you called me 20 times, drunk, enough said, but back to Timur,  just imagine that and i didn’t even call him or text him when we were together that often, he was one of the few persons that really felt me and really connected on a different level to me, the other one being my brother of course and maybe Adrian,all of us fire loving archers, none the less. We got unimaginably drunk on new year and all the time you were calling me and texting me, you even said you wanted to kiss me and so on, while you were drunk ,which for me was fucking huge, getting validation from you, the reason i got drunk was you, cuz every time i would go outside to talk to you, there was a hidden bottle of whiskey and one full of vodka in the bushes and i would have a sip or two and then head back into the club, I was so fucking wasted, my brother and Timur carried me home, Adrian was fucking angry at me,but he got over it and when i went home, my lenses were on the floor and Tumor picked them up, put me to sleep, he took such good care of me, that bastard, oh it almost brings tears to my eyes when i think about it, how good of a friend he was and how much he cared about me and all, now i have nothing even close to that, i’m gonna give him a call or text him now, as he is being going through some really hard times lately and i wish i was more there for him than now, as he was for me before, he helped me got through really bad episodes, i tried and did my best last time we had facetime,but still it’s different when I’m not there, when i come back from my self imposed exile i will spend  some quality time with him , as he deserves, he also mentioned he wants to come here, but idk if i can find him a good job that pays great money, but who knows maybe next year i can make it happen, as it would be amazing to have him here, if am single and he still is, we will have the time of our lives , i am very tempted to summon him here and help him stay. I went back to Sofia and we saw each other on my name day, i couldn’t help myself so i planted a big kiss on you the first time i saw you,we were at shots with your friends, I remember how surprised you looked. Then you started pulling back again and we went through not talk and talking again and again for the next month and a half, it was horrible, the worst period of all our pre-relationship this was , you would call me up when you were lonely and felt bad so we could hang out, but then you would disappear for days and days leaving me with my thumb up my ass every time , like the erasmus awards , I was planning on rigging the whole thing so that we can win , but imagine my surprise when Elizabeth told me we had a 10 vote lead over the others, people just liked our vibe and thought we were a couple and instead of accepting the reward and making it a good joke that we are not together or whatever you bailed on me and you can imagine how embarrassed i was to tell Elizabeth that i concede the reward just to avoid total humiliation in front of everybody and it went to i forgot her name , that dumb bitch with the glasses and her ugly boyfriend. But it was a good party overall Key won and Tim too, i was so proud of all of them, you just fucking left like it was nothing, it meant a lot to all of us that night, but yeah. The German guys goodbye party you didn’t come too , they liked you for real! And all this lead us to the night in the maze , when the french bastards were there and we had a scene, you me and Timur, lazslo lied to me that you were looking for me, we hadn’t been talking for days back then and i was feeling so hopeful when i saw you that things will be normal between us again, cuz i was missing my friend , not just lover. But nah , shit after shit , i was so wasted that night i can’t even remember what happened,  I only know that Timur took me home and i was a total wreck, the next day or party we were outside shots with the french guys and you had to fight with them, then turned tail, i had a huge fight with Pierre and lazslo and left as well, misunderstood by everyone, i felt like a fool again for trusting you, but not for defending you , because it was the right thing to do,nevertheless you never appreciated that , me standing up for you , even when we were together you never did, but i kept doing it anyway. I think we saw each other a couple of times after that , just for some hours and after my “rages” which entailed me telling you to fuck off and stuff, we were both deep in study shit, so that was part of the excuse , i remember how one night we snuck into the university and jumped the fence, that was cool as fuck , but we couldn’t get in because of the lock doors and the security guard was looking for us, you got scared kinda.Or that time after a party i think i passed your dorm and there were three bitches started hitting on me and added my on Facebook and Instagram, I still have them, two of those bitches even got married recently, they wanted me to come over and have fun, but they were ugly as fuck and i wasn’t expecting to fuck them three, but it was a great joke, too bad you didn’t come down to see me then.During those days we had really great parties, at which of course , most of the time i was wasted and looking for you, as your ubiquitous presence was felt in every aspect of my life , at one point it got so bad, that if you weren’t there i would go crazy and disappointing, as i didn’t want to be there and felt like the evening was wasted, this constant feeling of not being around you and when you finally showed up, being around,but with only shit happening, drove me fucking nuts, i felt like i was loosing my mind constantly, torn between you, myself and my friends.It was all a blur those days,weeks, months, but generally it was a good time with Timur and the boys, I miss that feeling now, the longing of wanting something and suffering for it and the sweet joy when you receive it, this is how messed up I am,for wanting something like this, but this is life i guess, fighting for something you want and then getting it, if you receive it right away , you won’t perceive it as being worth it or whatever. But who in their right fucking mind would put themselves in a situation of self abuse or someone to just lead you on, it was ridiculous , I don’t know how i managed to keep up with that, i admire myself actually for being so patient, stubborn and consistent with you,as the whole time i was believing it would pay off in the end.It didn’t.

I go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where I wanna be And satisfaction feels like a distant memory And I can’t help myself, all I Wanna hear her say is “Are you mine?” Well, are you mine? Are you mine?

All this lead us to that night i went totally nuts in club Melo or whatever the name of the stupid joint was, you showed up late, i was there with all my squad, or whatever remained from it, didn’t fucking say a word to me or anything, ignoring each other for the whole evening, then you danced with Salvatore the Italian wanker, i totally lost it when he tried to kiss you, i wanted to punch him , but pierre and the others stopped me , so i took out my frustrations on the wall, my fist went right thought i fucked that shit up good, i broke up the whole wall, they took me out of the club, so we can avoid paying for damages and i just vanished into the night, that evening i smoked 3 packs of cigarettes maybe more, it was my low point. I took a cab, but before that i saw you leaving with that guy, i was devastated, thankfully you weren’t fucking , but it fucked me up really good, i was wandering studentski and the streets it was raining i remember , Emeka saw me in front of fantastico and was so worried about me, i went home and i saw how much blood i had on my hands, took some damned pictures to post,so you can know what you did to me, i do believe we also wrote to each other that morning , but what does it matter, i went into the shower and collapsed on the floor , i felt like garbage , even worse than garbage like fucking nothing, like i didn't even matter at all in the world or more importantly to you, I had no idea that one day you would make me feel even worse that that. I wrote you that morning that you should block me and we should cease all contact to avoid more drama. To which of course you responded that we should go out for lunch, reluctantly i agreed.

We had a really good time going out and it was drama free, which was a huge fucking surprise given the last couple of weeks/days/months , i was so exhausted from all of that crap, so we had a night out in shots with Ivo, we got fucking wasted at my place and in shots you locked yourself in the bathroom for 2 hours i waited for you, funny thing was that i kissed you and you escaped into the WC immediately after that i was thinking maybe she got sick from me , but realized quickly you were puking your guts out, Ivo too, but he left. I waited for you and tried to break the door, i almost got in a fight with some guy , he wanted to go inside, i told him to fuck off, finally you came out , i took you in my arms and carried you to  my bed, I wanted to sleep on the other one, but you took my hand and said you want me to sleep with you, we cuddled all night and it was really good, i felt safe, like i belong there and i  was home. I took a snapchat of us sleeping and send it to Key, she couldn’t believe what had happened

Lets end up this here on a good note again, this shit is way too long

[misomilk]

hi :) is it possible to get an answer for all of the country questions? if no, can i pls get the answer to what you think of translations to eng, your fave song in your native tongue and fave author?

Hello~! You’re so sweet, anon. Thanks for giving me something to do to pass the time while I ignore what I’m supposed to do. LOL

This was so much fun to answer. I hope you pick up things about where I’m from. :) Have an awesome day!!!

1. favourite place in your country? I really love El Nido. It’s super pretty, and not so tourist-filled the last time I went. (That was many, many years ago…) The water is so clear. The critical spots for animals are properly preserved. Gosh. It was perfect. :’) Arashi’s Aiba Masaki had gone there HUEHUEHUE Too bad I went like, a year before he did. A year before I ever found Arashi. XD The beaches of the Philippines are really super lovely.

2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad? I prefer traveling abroad. I pretty much fly to Japan every chance I get. LOL But if I were to travel with family, yes. I’d rather just kick back and relax in one of our beaches. We went to Coron last time! It was beautiful, too. But El Nido remains my favorite.

3. does your country have access to sea? Yes! We see the sea all over. (laughs over XV joke)

4. favourite dish specific for your country? Oh, boy, oh boy. I gotta name three of them.1) Kare-kare - I guess?? It’s our version of curry but it’s so different from any other curry. It’s peanut-based, normally soupy, with boiled vegetables and (typically) ox tongue. I love my mom’s take on it. Very thick sauce and very peanut-y. * W * She uses normal beef parts bec I dont eat ox tongue.2) Lumpiang Shanghai - this is probs taken from Chinese cuisine but still. Very Filipino in its own way. Always see it in parties. I LOVE IT.3) Adobo - The #1 Filipino dish, probs. I think there’s no “XXX tastes Filipino Food” video out there that doesn’t include this. Every household has its own take on it—white or brown, sweet or salty, soupy or not. I LOVE IT A LOT. Brown, sweet, and soupy, please.

For desserts, I fuckin love leche flan, ube (purple yam) and pichi-pichi.

5. favourite song in your native language? I fucking love “Ang Huling El Bimbo” (The Last El Bimbo) by Eraserheads and “Beer” by Itchyworms. They’re my go-to karaoke songs, and are very much #hugot—which is the word we use for when we “pull out all them feels”, normally related to heartbrokenness. I’m not particularly heartbroken atm, but these songs are just so good.Lately, I’ve been hearing the song “Tagu-taguan” (Hide and Seek) by Bita and the Botflies. I hear it on the radio. I love it coz it gives me such Shiina Ringo vibes.

6. most hated song in your native language? probably that fuckin moshi moshi ano ne song. it makes fun of those japanese words :/ and any song by william revillame (an asshole gameshow host) or used in Eat Bulaga. hayyyyy :/

7. three words from your native language that you like the most?1) takipsilim - deep word for ‘sunset’2) bukang liwayway - deep word for ‘sunrise’3) ulap - lit. ‘cloud’bonus: nakakapagpabagabag - lit. ‘worrisome’ bec it felt like a tongue twister when i was younger. hahahabonus2: maharlika - lit. ‘nobility’ just bec it sounds cool hahaha

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom? strangely, though I am Filipino, I get mistaken (by fellow Filipinos) to either be Chinese, Korean or Japanese. I guess it’s in the way I dress?

9. which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best? I know Japan best. For sure. Haahaha. I have no other nearby country that I want to travel to.

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language? ‘pakshet’, which is just ‘fuck shit’ but said tagalog-like? XD

11. favourite native writer/poet? I’m sadly not well-versed in our native prose. See, it’s hard for me to understand my own language sometimes. :’( But I hear Ricky Lee is very good.

12. what do you think about English translations of your favourite native prose/poem? Hmm, strange. I haven’t heard of any English translations of our books, actually???? I think it’d be really cool if there were! But I guess Filipino prose/poetry isn’t popular enough to be translated. XD

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders? I think we have a lot. Like, removing the ring on someone’s finger when you weren’t the one that put it on them means you’ll get in a fight with them. (Personally, I extend it to bracelets. LOL) Or, we can’t take a shower after 3pm on Good Friday bec blood will come out instead of water. xD

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV? No. It has very shallow comedy, or really awful flat storylines. We have really good quality films, but sadly those aren’t the ones that catch attention here. :/

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get? “susmaryosep”, i guess? (Jesus Mary Joseph) Is that considered a saying? Somehow my first thought was: “bababa ba?” (are we going down?) HAHAHA that cracks me up every time it’s used in the elevator when foreigners are around. They get this look like, “… did they really just understand each other?”

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with? I HATE that people assume when we go to other countries it’s either to be prostitutes, caretakers or maids. :/ What do I somewhat agree with……… that we’re cheerful people.

17. are you interested in your country’s history? yes, but idk where to start. I wish I’d listened more carefully back when I was still in high school or college.

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language? No TWT I want to speak Kapampangan, which my sisters and my dad speak. By the time I was born, we already moved to the city, so, I didnt have the chance to learn it.

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem? The flag, yes. The Anthem, tho there are parts that are iffy, yes.

20. which sport is The Sport in your country? Pacquiao’s boxing. specifically Pacquiao’s boxing. -_- I HATE IT. I wish we had more baseball. I’m glad we’ve been getting more into volleybal in the recent years.

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be? A Filipino treat, like Napoleones or bibingka or ube. And, an abaca fan.

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed? I’m proud of our beaches. They’re seriously so B E A U T I F U L— go north or south. I’m also proud of the Filipino hospitality, although I for one am not so amazing at that bec of my introvert-ness. LOLI’m ashamed of a whole lot of aspects, sadly. Like how a lot are poor, yet we have a fuckton of malls. The government is shit. (Always has been since I can remember.) Many Filipinos are racist, sexist, homophobic bastards that focus on physical wayyy too much. It’s awful. Just. AWFUL.

23. which alcoholic beverage is the favoured one in your country? San Mig or Red Horse beer, I think. I don’t like those tho.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country? Every other nation aside from ours, I think. :/ If there’s one that sticks out more than others, maybe China.

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country? YES. I’D ANSWER YES IN A HEARTBEAT. HAHAHA I’d so love to be born Japanese instead. Their values really resonate with mine. Sometimes my mom, my bosses and my friends say that I’m a Japanese spirit lost in a Filipino body.

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal? We get portrayed as the shitty English speaker who’s a maid.  I can fuckin speak in an awesome accent, thanks v much. In Japan we’re portrayed as hostesses in a bar and it really disheartens me. I don’t like it at all, but what can we do? sighs

27. favourite national celebrity? uhhhhh She’s not my “favorite” bec I’m not into local showbiz, but I really love seeing Liza Soberano. She’s so pretty (/o\)

28. does your country have a lot of lakes, mountains, rivers? do you have favourites? YES! I guess my favorite would be Taal Lake, since it’s the one I get to see the most. It’s got a volcano in the middle of the lake!!

29. does your region/city have a beef with another place in your country? uhhh I dont think so

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family? well, technically my family’s a mix of a whole lot of races: Chinese, Spanish, Japanese. Idk if I have American blood, otherwise I’d have the blood of all our conquerors in my system? XDD

Thanks again for asking!!